Gender Bent
by TheSeventhCastaway
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione eat some chocolates, only to find out it's one of the twins' pranks again! Who will find out their secret...or worse, like the new them? A tiny, teensy weensy bit of Romione fluff. And, what the heck...does Seamus like 'Harriet? Rated T for a bit of bad language. Read and review, please!


**This was a crazy idea of mine, a genderbend. Read, and be prepared to feel weird! c: By the way, I made them use their original gender, as in Hermione is still 'she' and Ron's still 'he'. Hope you don't get confused!**

**Rated T for a bit of colorful language.**

**Oh yeah, this story is open to every character's thoughts, except for...some. Review please!**

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"Chocolates?" Ron raised a brow at the pink and red box. He tore the paper, revealing a note attached on the lid.

_To Harry, Ron, and Hermione_

_Here are some chocolates! I really, really hope you like them. You guys are my idols! _

_All the love in the world,_

_A fan! _

Ron ran down the stairs and called to his friends. "Oi, Harry, 'Mione! C'mere!"

Harry and Hermione glanced up from their textbooks curiously. "What?" Harry asked.

Ron held up the box and opened the lid for them to see. "We have an admirer," he grinned smugly. He picked up one of the small squares and munched on it. His eyes widened.

"Merlin!" He exclaimed, groaning involuntarily as the chocolate melted on his tongue. "These are delicious!"

Harry leapt up and shoved one in his mouth. "I-" Hermione started, but was cut off by Harry.

"Oh, c'mon, 'Mione," he frowned at his friend. "There's nothing wrong with Ron and I, and we ate it."

Hermione shook her head at how naive the boys were. Ron gobbled up some more pieces and chewed vigorously. "Yeah, 'Mione," he spoke with his mouth full. "I'm going to eat them all before you do, so hurry up!"

Hermione winced at Ron's disgusting manners. "Are you _sure _there's nothing wrong with you guys?" She asked. They glared at her.

Hermione bit her lip and watched her two best friends savor the chocolate. "Fine," she gave up and grabbed one of the squares. She bit into it and bitter sweetness exploded in her mouth. It was smooth, thick, and creamy. It tasted like raspberries and dark chocolate. She moaned.

She swallowed and was about to reach for another one when she saw Ron. "Oh my gods," she gaped at him. "Ron, uh, you should..."

Harry turned to his best mate and gasped. Ron stared at them, confused. "Wha-why is my voice...?" Ron's eyes widened. "Hermione! I need a mirror, now!"

Hermione fumbled with her wand and conjured up a small hand mirror. Ron snatched it from her hand and held it up to his face. A scream escaped Ron's mouth and the mirror fell with a crash.

His hair had grown slightly and curled a bit, but it was still styled in a boy-cut. His pale eyelashes had grown and thickened, framing his blue eyes perfectly. His chin had become pointed, making his face delicate and feminine. He shrank, so he was just about as tall as Hermione.

"Bloody hell!" A series of crude curses followed quickly after that. "I'm a...a..."

A shriek pierced Ron and Hermione's ears. They whipped their heads toward Harry...or what used to be Harry. His hair had lengthened, ending halfway through his belly. His cheekbones had become angular and longer. His face was now perfectly heart-shaped, and like Ron, his height shortened. He had bangs that covered his scar. Harry pushed his glasses back up his nose.

"A girl! We're girls!"

"Oh, oh," Ron felt around his new body, and ended at his...well, breasts. "I...I have a chest!"

Hermione's mouth was still open. "That means that...I'm going to change, too?"

And she was right.

Her bushy hair smoothened and crept up her neck. It was short, too short for her taste. Her bangs disappeared and her eyebrows thickened. Her legs, waist, arms, and shoulders broadened and grew longer and larger. Her chest shrank. She now towered over both Ron and Harry.

"Holy..." her voice was now deep and gravelly. "Shit. I've gone...wrong!" She stared frantically at her friends. "What will we tell the teachers? How will we get to class?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure, worry about your studies. What about...about..." He gestured to his new body. "This?!"

Harry snapped his fingers, anger displaying simply and plainly on his face. "Fred and George," he hissed.

As if on cue, they came bounding down the steps. "You called?"

Ron grabbed George by the shirt and pushed him against the wall. "I am going to punch you so hard..." he snarled at his brother.

Hermione shoved Fred to the ground, but they merely laughed. "I see you've found our little present." George grinned at his twin, who held the same carefree expression.

"Found?" Ron spat. "It was on my bed!"

"Ah, yes," George grinned at the three. "Our new Genderbend Ganaches. Do you like them? We needed to test them out."

"Why use us as your lab rats?" Harry pointed his wand at Fred and glared. "I've got manicured nails!"

"Because," said George, looking rather bored. He slipped out from under Ron's grasp. Hermione gave him a look that read 'I'm going to hex your bollocks off if you take another step.' George was smart enough to not move any further.

"Ron's the most gullible person in Hogwarts!" George continued. "He would've convinced his friends too."

"Who cares!" Hermione exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "Just give us the cure! We've got to get to dinner."

"Well," The twins stared at each other nervously. It was like they were having a battle with their eyes, daring each other to say what's next. Fred sighed and spoke slowly. "Ah...we didn't make one yet."

A lot of things happened at once. Harry shrieked angrily, Ron shouted "You didn't invent one yet?!" , and Hermione's knuckles were just about to crash into Fred's nose. But Seamus, Lavender and Parvati climbed through the portrait hole, and Hermione hid her clenched fist behind her back. Her squared nails dug into her flesh, making little crescent-shaped wounds pop out on her palm. She forced a smile.

Lavender and Parvati giggled. "Hi," Lavender smiled at Hermione. "What's your name?" She asked all of them, but her eyes remained on Hermione's face.

"Eeh...uh...Hermes! Hermes Gr- I mean, Gardner." Hermione patted herself in the back mentally for such a name. But then she bit her lip; would it be easily interpreted?

Apparently not for Lavender, because she beamed. She tittered and ducked under Hermione's arm. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked, looking up at her underneath her eyelashes. It might've looked flirtatious and pretty, if Hermione liked her. And if Hermione was actually a guy.

"Yes!" Hermione yelped without hesitation. She grabbed Ron, who was closer to her between him and Harry, and scooted away from Lavender sheepishly. "This is...er,"

"Ronnie Welch." said Ron firmly. Hermione met his eyes, and he could tell what she was thinking. _Wow, so discreet! Ronnie! She'd never guess! _

Parvati must have been thicker than she thought. She looked at Harry, barely peeking at her, and kept her gaze, like Lavender, trained on Hermione. _Am I that handsome? _Hermione wondered. _Weird. _"And you?" Parvati asked Harry without looking at him.

"Harriet Pohler," he rolled his eyes and half-smiled at Hermione. Her lips formed a silent 'Help'. Harry's smile broadened.

Seamus spoke up, for the first time since he came in. "Well," he said. "Finally, something interesting here." He grinned at Harry, whose eyes widened and cheeks went red. Seamus climbed up the stairs. The door closed with a click behind him.

Lavender, who always thought she was quite interesting enough, huffed and turned back to the three. "Are you from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic?" She played with her long, stringy brown hair. She twirled it around and around her finger.

"Yeah," Harry replied, not thinking. "Yeah, we moved here to England."

"But you don't have any accents," Parvati observed cleverly. She wasn't that daft after all.

Hermione chewed on her lower lip. Ron looked alarmed.

Harry suddenly shot Lavender and Parvati a startling smile. "Ah, we've gotten so used to your ways! We stayed here over the summer, you see." Harry giggled. It sounded too high-pitched and scratchy, even to his ears. He cringed.

Before Lavender and Parvati could respond, Harry, Ron, and Hermione rushed out the room. After that, they burst into a series of giggles-real giggles. They laughed for a good ten minutes before Hermione placed her hand on Ron's now thin shoulder and gasped, "Ronnie Welch!". Ron guffawed and shouted "Hermes Gardner!", snickering uncontrollably. They both pointed at Harry, who was wheezing with silent chortles, and simultaneously shrieked, "Harriet Pohler!". The three broke into loud chuckles, making the Fat Lady stare at them. Their stomachs ached.

"'Ello," said the Fat Lady. "New students?"

They introduced themselves, using their new names, and suppressing smiles. After that, they excused themselves and strolled toward the Great Hall. As they walked towards the Gryffindor table, no one seemed to pay attention to them. No one seemed to notice that they were out of place.

That is, until they sat down.

As they arrived late, they had missed most of the dinner. They were in the middle of it, and a Ravenclaw girl named Hallie Morts tapped Hermione on the shoulder. "Hi," she smiled. Hermione crinkled her nose; Hallie had a new boyfriend every week. She used her good looks to snag some poor, lovesick boy, just to drop them like rotting bat's wings just as quickly.

"Hello," Hermione turned back to her dinner. She could practically feel Hallie's glare burning her neck.

"That was a bit rude," Hallie pouted. Hermione faced her, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you want?" Hermione asked. Hallie looked a bit startled, amazed, and impressed. No one ever turned her down before or stood up to her.

"I was wondering if you could go to Hogsmeade with me. I could show you some of the sights," she winked suggestively. Hermione gagged.

"I have a girlfriend." Hermione answered. She, once again, pulled Ron closer to her. Neither seemed to mind.

Except Hallie.

_He's tough, _Hallie thought. _But I like it. Bring it on._

"So?" Hallie rested a casual hand on Hermione's chest. **(I know that sounds weird but she's a guy now so...) **"Do I look like I care?"

"Unfortunately, no." Hermione looked down at Hallie's hand.

"We have a very...erm..._serious _relationship." Ron's lie tasted like copper on his tongue.

"Prove it."

"Prove it?" Hermione's face contorted into a incredulous expression.

"Are you okay?" Ron whispered to Hermione.

"Yeah, why?" she hissed back.

"You look like you're about to sneeze."

Hermione ignored Harry's small snicker. She dared Hallie silently with her eyes.

"Are you scared?" Hallie teased. "Can't take a small kiss in front of everyone?"

By now, everyone in the Great Hall was staring at them. Some were unable to hear the conversation, but a good lot of them could. The teachers carried on eating.

"No," said Hermione indignantly. She crossed her arms over her large chest. **(That sounded weirder than with the hand...oh gods...) **

"Oh? Well, I don't see any-"

Hermione grabbed Ron and pressed her lips on his briefly. She pushed him away, still looking a bit dazed like Hermione, and glared at Hallie. "Well?"

Hallie pouted once more and walked away with all the dignity she had left. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._

Harry smiled at Ron and Hermione. They were both red in the face, but evidently giddy. He set his fork and spoon down. "C'mon. Let's find Fred and George," Harry suggested.

They walked out the massive doors, Ron and Hermione hand in hand.

"This is so weird," Ron told Hermione. She nodded, completely agreeing.

Before they left, though, Harry caught a glance of Malfoy. He was mouthing something, something he could not understand. Only when they reached their Common Room, did Harry realize what it was with a jolt.

_"Chosen One."_

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**'Kay, guys, I don't know if this is better as a one-shot or as a chapter fic. I dunno. I'd best keep it at one-shot, because I suck at chapter fics. Anyway, review, please, and if you're a bit confused, Private Message me!**

**I love feedback about my writing, and if I spelled something wrong, tell me right away! **

**-virtual hugs for those who review- and Doritos! Who doesn't love Doritos?**

**All the weirdness in the world,**

**~Sandie**


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